I feel so broken right now. I am 33 years old and am a widow, a cancer patient, have no hair, will be permanent disfigured after my surgery on Tuesday, no career. In sum, I'm damaged goods.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
In less than a week...
In less than a week I will have no breasts. I just can't quite wrap my head around this. I know that it is necessary--I want this cancer out of my body now--but I am scared of the after effects. I have done pretty well without having hair for the last couple of months, but now we are talking about body parts. And body parts that are viewed as "essential" parts of being female. I know that I will still be a woman without my breasts and that I will eventually have reconstruction, but I am not sure how I am going to deal with the emotional upheaval that is sure to follow.
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4 comments:
Hey stumbled across this.
So so sorry you're not seeming to get a break. I found that my hair was much much harder than my breast for some reason. Maybe because I knew that the cancer was going along with the breast, while the hair was just collateral damage.
The hair is also what everyone can see...the thing that I've been most self-conscious of trying to keep working (I worked through chemo but am taking a month off...I work in advertising...so I can just be tired and watch my hair grow back without having to put on a strong face or wig anymore). The only thing that helped me with the hair was to think of how old it was...I had long hair, so it was a couple years old. Those years were really tough for me...some of the most stressful of my life. Sounds like you last few have been too. When I shaved it off, I just thought of shaving off all that hair that belonged to that time in my life. It was full of stress and sadness. My new hair will have been made during a new phase in my life. I know it sounds hokey, but it helped me a bit.
Best of luck during your surgery and a quick recovery.
damaged or worn is better....broken in, knows the ropes, able to deal with shit...Its not always a bad thing <3
I wish I could help take some of the pain and sadness away. Just know we are thinking of you way out here.
My dearest Lisa. You are NOT damaged goods. You are a young Lady who has had more than your share of struggles in your life, but that does NOT make you damaged goods. Please be nice to my friend, because there are many of us who love you for who you are. You are not the outside packaging. You are a wonderful caring person. Our outside Packaging changes in life, but the inside is what counts. Love you!
Hi there, I'm six months out from surgery, decided against reconstruction, so my search for nice clothes that made me feel feminine were an important part of getting through the sense of disfigurement. I found the most comfortable post-surgery camisole (with pockets for drainage tubes) has a velcro strip down the front, at www.tlcdirect.org. When the drainage tubes were finally out, I found that bras tend to ride up without the weight of breasts, so I settled on tank tops. The best made, the Luisa Luisa T-100, are more expensive than some others, but there's a range of colors to wear alone or under something. They run small, so get a size larger than usual. I hope this helps. Sending love your way.
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